it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
