Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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