either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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