One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
