Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
