I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
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I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can you bring me the toilet please
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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