Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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