i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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