I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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