The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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