I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
