I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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