there was a trapeze. enough said
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
