Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
