I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
