she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
