She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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