I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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