You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
