i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize