New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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