Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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