Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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