let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
