Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize