It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize