I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
