i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
