Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
