i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
