by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
