God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
