I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Michael Bay diarrhea
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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