did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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