you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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