Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
