It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
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I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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