hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.