3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.