I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
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plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
