At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.