i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
