fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
