No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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