Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
