This house was built for laser tag.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We need to get me chipped asap
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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