I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
