Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
