forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize