either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
