my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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