You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
