um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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