At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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