Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
