Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
