pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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