he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
