How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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