Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
please come you make the beer taste better
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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