I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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