I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
