Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
