party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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