He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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