i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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