I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
