i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
