Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
