I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
