If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
