What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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