there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
