Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
