win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
