I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
