my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
