Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
