so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
