Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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