ttyl tear gas
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
