im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
