Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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