is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
