we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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